Yea Verily

I suck. I suck at this whole keeping up with blogs and such dealio. Never was good, check out my LJ. Anyway, I spent far too much time updating that journal and posting... Will copy/ paste to here if you don't want to head over there and to save me shut eye time.

"Trying to get life back. On Weight watchers and down from 229 to 225. I actually went from 260 to 220 right after I lost the fluid retention after having Kay. I gained a bit after that when I could finally get back to FL after a long time in LA with my late father. But I'm back on and even walking with Kay in the stroller everyday for an hour or so...when it doesn't rain. I'm seeing a psychiatrist and on Lexapro. The psychiatrist, himself, doesn't really help me so much as just talking to a therapist and getting meds helped. I felt totally nuts, worse than in school...I couldn't control it like I did back then. A baby is more important than grades in school. I realize now that I'm kinda messed up in the head. I don't think right. I'm really discombobulated in there so it take me longer to do things, think things through and such. It's great for abstract thinking and coming up with interesting connections or new solutions but it's not so great for keeping it together. I have an impulse control disorder and I believe I have a mild attachment disorder or it might be borderline personality. They seem the most accurate but I can't really tell. All the therapist is interested in is the impulse control disorder though. That's why I came to him originally so that makes sense. Anyway, so I'm working on menus, a garage sale and a few other things. Trying to get organized and such. I really want to get all the mess out of Kay's room so that we can get her a bedroom set up. She's doing fine in the cosleeper that we have attached to our bed for now but she's getting too big for it. Have evidence. I so heart being her Mommy. Now that I have meds to keep me even, I have so much fun with her and I can be there for her when she's upset. There is also just something wonderful about going to sleep with Billy on one side and Kay on the right and waking up to Kay trying to stick her toes in her mouth and Billy trying to snuggle....those nights, those beautiful mornings are what it's all about."

Well, that's about it. Night!

Thanks Kali!

So cool, I just had to put it in here! Best kid pic evar! I so need to learn to knit :D

Soooo tired

Rock on. So, I'm up trying to get some stuff done while I can: i.e. baby asleep, Billy at Kit's birthday party. And I really want to sleep. I'm trying to get a menu made for next week so that I can get it tomorrow and not take all of Billy's first Father's day up with house chores. In fact, I chose to be the one to bring Kay home tonight so that Billy could play a bit longer. He's stayed longer than I thought that "a bit" would mean but this is all that I know I can do for his Father's day other than trying to have time open for him and family fun. Seems a tad lame but such is life and finances with a new baby. I'm even thinking that I could take Kay with me to get groceries while Billy sleeps in so that we can maybe go out to breakfast when he gets up. Anyway, so now I'm staring bleary-eyed at the computer screen in hopes of finding another tasty pork cutlet recipe. *le sigh* I so want a long deep sleep and to wake up getting oral and a pedicure....I know, TMI but I'm allowed to pout at midnight....

Random

And I sit here, brushing the gold from my hair
Wondering about the blue birds
Tasting the tail of my comet

And how do we wobble, skirting around on a fine line
Eating stars that are beyond time
Feeling sounds from our dreams

And I feel, meaning from things that are not mine
Water past gills of a strange fish
Breath in the lungs of my past

And I watch, flitting meaning that I shape
Songs I will love into sound
The comet that burns brightly new

....Okay, that was a very random sing song poem that floated to the surface of my brain while I was putting Kay to nap. It was easy to sing, the line just came up in my throat but that makes it hard to repeat much less write.

A new hope

So I'm ripping that title off, so who cares? Heh, anyway.

That's a great start. I'm actually starting over here. I'm a LJ transfer and it was swell but in the words of Rebecca Buck, the swellings gone down. I have a new daughter, and a new life to build for myself and my family so it's time to change the drapes and burn the rugs.

Unfortunately, my tiny master is calling so THIS has been my first post at my new online home. Have fun everyone and don't get any sand in yer cheeks.